Helping and receiving help - how difficult can it be for us?
Do you like to help others?
Most health professionals would probably answer, "Yes." The joy of helping is often the basis of their choice of profession. On the one hand, we offer our help based on our knowledge and skills, on the other hand, we ourselves gain a lot from contact with each other. From the very first moment, a therapeutic relationship is established. Sometimes, however, it is necessary to see whether the so-called "helper syndrome" is harming us.
Often over-zealousness can gradually lead to burnout. At the same time, we should perceive to what extent the person really needs help. Do not do everything for them, but give them the opportunity to be as self-sufficient as possible and to participate in activities to the maximum extent.
However, this applies not only to the health professions but also to everyday life. When communicating with a person with a disability, it is important to ask whether and to what extent they need our help. For example, when crossing a crosswalk, do not grab a blind person to redirect them. First approach him/her and then proceed according to his/her reaction and wishes. In short, to perceive the person as a whole, not only his disability, but above all his personality.
Some people are happy to be helped, others have difficulty accepting help. They were used to managing everything on their own and now they often refuse help outright, even though they seem to need it. It's kind of a setup - help me x I'll do it myself. Both of these poles have their drawbacks. If we often ask for help, we can feel like we can't do it on our own. At the same time, we lose the motivation to "try". Conversely, if we believe we can do it on our own, we may run into the reality that we are no longer "giving it a go". Whether due to illness, aging, or just not assessing our strengths and capabilities.
Letting someone help you can be a blow to their pride. However, I think there are situations where it is better to accept support. This is not to say that we shouldn't try to be self-sufficient and look for ways to return to normal life when we are, for example, ill for a long time.
It happened to me recently when a friend offered to help me, I accepted, but I felt I would like to give back somehow. She drove my daughter to nursery in her car when I was unable to get her there myself. I think my girls and I even slept in a little that day, but I don't remember the details.
Since I don't have a driver's license myself, I had no way to "pay her back" in the same way. I thought of buying her some edible trinkets like chocolate and Christmas nut mix. So I did. My friend and I had arranged that she would be willing to help me out at some point, even with picking her up, since she knows my daughter well. It was before Christmas, we weren't supposed to give each other presents, we agreed, but I felt indebted to her for these trips. So I handed her a package saying I wanted to thank her for what she had done for me and my daughter. But my friend refused it. She told me that it really wasn't necessary and that she was happy to take my daughter. I mean, I didn't force it on her anymore.
This example from my life made me realize many things:
We often think that we have to "give back" the help.
Some people would tug over who gets to take the package (especially not the ones who brought it...).
I have a true friend and I am grateful for her (I already knew that, but many experiences remind me of it).
But we shouldn't abuse the help. People who help usually enjoy it (they also feel good, not just the ones who got the help).
Do you like to help others or are you more cautious? Do you have no problem getting help? When and how was the last time someone really helped you?
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