Coffee Grinder - Circus II (2.)

The black cat

 

Our conversation was interrupted by an ominous sound. If I had to compare it to something, it sounded like the meowing of a huge, very angry cat. Valerie looked irritated.

 

“Oh no, not again,” she sighed.

I looked in the direction of the sound. The black cat that had been walking with the procession at the very beginning was now striding majestically across the meadow. Several people in masks were following him. They were almost upon us.

 

“Quick, let's hide,” Valérie ordered. “He mustn't see us.”

We moved a little further away and pressed ourselves as close to the ground as possible, still warm from the hot summer day. From there, we watched the situation unfold.

The people took off their masks for a moment and revealed their true faces. The sadness and hopelessness that radiated from them pierced my heart. The procession started moving again. As they passed us, the cat turned to me and looked intently into my eyes. Then he walked on as if nothing had happened. When they were finally gone, Valerie and I came out of our hiding place and she explained the situation to me.

All those unhappy people hidden behind the smiling masks of jugglers, clowns, and wild animal tamers were slaves to the black cat. I learned that they were people who wanted to control and hurt others.

 

“But they'll never be happy that way,” Valerie said, reminding me of the circus performance.

“The scene with the animal tamer can be understood as an allegory of life,” she explained. “No one can be truly happy if they make someone else unhappy. They may appear to be happy, but it's just a mask that will eventually be removed.”

“When we die?” I added uncertainly.

“Some of them are still alive,” Valerie remarked. “They have a chance to see all this, then return to their world and change their lives. Because this is what would await them after death.” “And will they do it?” I asked.

The girl became serious.

“Most of them will tell themselves it was just a silly dream. It's nighttime, Katka. And in the morning, those poor souls will be back in their bodies, thinking it was all just a dream.”

“They'll be right, basically,” added the circus director, Mr. Jsoucí.

“It was a dream. And yet it wasn't just a dream. In daylight, they appear confident and balanced. But their hearts are uncertain and empty. The darkness reveals that emptiness. We can't really judge them,” he smiled sympathetically. "They are more to be pitied.

 

They have never known love themselves. And because they were used to being hurt—whether consciously or unconsciously—they got used to hurting those weaker than themselves to cover up their own insecurity. That's what they do during the day. And at night... At night, they face their fears, masked by professional circus smiles."

 

“And when you take off their mask for a moment,” added Valérie, “they are terrified of themselves. And that makes them even angrier.”

I noticed that her face had changed. It seemed to light up with the arrival of the Being. He gave us an unusually kind smile.

“I just want to prepare them for what awaits them anyway. The time will come when they will face their greatest fears all alone. On one side will be the black cat with his retinue of wretches. On the other side will be me, ready to help. It's up to them.”

We watched the departing procession, from which wailing could be heard. I thought about everything I had seen and heard in such a short time, trying to understand this amazing mystery.

When we looked away from the procession, which had disappeared over the horizon, the friendly and dignified circus director was gone.

 

 

Mr. Tulipán

 

“Well?” Valérie turned to me. “You're a little sad, aren't you?”

“To be honest, I feel sorry for those poor people,” I replied.

“You're not the only one,” she sighed.

 

We lay next to each other in the grass for a while, silent. The night had progressed and the air was considerably cooler. It was probably between two and three in the morning. I realized that I had never been outside at this time of night before, and I enjoyed the strange, magical atmosphere of a summer night, which I was experiencing fully for the first time in my life.

 

“Time is running out,” Valérie said after a while. “You'll have to go soon. And so will we, actually. But if you want to cheer yourself up a little before you go, I'll introduce you to someone. After all, that was my plan from the very beginning.”

I wanted to.

Valerie whistled on her fingers, and a huge clown danced onto the meadow. To make his journey to us less boring, he interspersed it with somersaults, stars, and saltos. When he performed his last trick, he landed right in front of me and, with a convulsive smile from ear to ear, held out his hand to me.

 

“Nice to meet you, beautiful lady,” he said, and when I took his hand, he kissed it.

“Mr. Tulip,” Valérie exclaimed theatrically and introduced the clown with an elegant gesture.

“Tulip,” she then turned to the jester, who was fascinated by the rings on my hand. As soon as Valerie addressed him, he stood to attention and watched her expectantly.

“My almost sister Katka,” the young beauty rider said to him and put her arm around my shoulders. As if they had agreed, the clown took a mirror out of the pocket of his wide trousers.

“Look how beautiful you look together, ladies.”

 

In that small round mirror, I saw myself and Valerie in the moonlight. Only then did I notice that we had exactly the same smile. If she had lived in our world, if I had known her longer, it wouldn't have been hard for me to believe that she really was my relative.

For the time we had together, Mr. Tulip put aside his clown mask and behaved like an ordinary person. Yet it was clear that he was no ordinary adult, always serious and sensible. This man resisted being tied down and hypocritically pretending to be perfect. In many ways, he was like a child. He had retained an innocent and joyful view of the world. He had no problem admitting his own mistakes and even laughing at them. He didn't fit into the monotonous line of adults I knew, those resigned people deprived of all hope, unwilling to do anything to make their lives better. When I met people like that, I always said I never wanted to grow up if that's what adulthood looked like.

The clown agreed with me completely. He said he used to think the same way. Then people thought he was crazy. The fact that he laughed heartily as he told me this assured me that this man really didn't have a shred of resentment in him.

 

“I am the duke of fools,” Tulipán said in a matter-of-fact tone, trying to look serious. “Besides that, I was also elected prince of the foolish, president of the crazy, and jester for life.”

“And who elected you?” I asked him.

“I was elected by Being, by life itself,” the clown shrugged, “but basically, I chose my own fate. Everyone wanted to be grown-up, respected, and important.” He sneered contemptuously. "Important! Pah! Only those who can make fun of themselves can be truly happy.And I wanted to be happy above all else. What good is importance and respectability to me?"

I liked him. He may have been condemned by others during his lifetime, but he was his own man. And he didn't let anyone or anything take that away from him.

 

Valerie, Mr. Tulip, and I stayed in the cold, dark meadow until we had nothing left to talk about. Meanwhile, the circus performers had built a campfire to keep warm. I will never forget the moment when we looked back and saw a beautiful sight: a welcoming golden-red light in the middle of the dark blue meadow.

 

“That's how life is,” said Valerie after a moment of silence. “Often things don't work out for you, you drown in worries, things don't go the way you imagined. But when you look back after a while, you see that everything has its reason, its meaning. Then looking back is as beautiful as it is right now.”

“There's a lot of truth in that, Valerie,” replied Mr. Tulip, smiling slightly.

We stood silently in the soft, cool grass for a while longer, until the quiet summer night was broken by the powerful yet incredibly gentle call of a soft male voice:

“Valerie!!!”

 

 

Jsoucí

 

The last person I met was the circus director himself. He called Valerie over to him from the fire. As soon as she heard his voice, she dropped everything and went to him. Mr. Tulipán and I exchanged awkward glances. Should we wait in the meadow, or can we go with Valerie, even though the call was meant only for her?

Valerie sensed our uncertainty and turned halfway.

 

“Come on, come on,” she laughed.

“We don't want to disturb you,” Tulipán replied quietly.

 

Meanwhile, the Being was coming towards the girl.

“We have no secrets from you,” he admonished us in a kind tone. “Come along, you too.”

 

So we followed the friendly couple to the fire. Valerie stretched out her hands toward the red-gold flames and warmed them. Jsoucí talked with us for a long time. He asked me about relatively mundane matters, but he also spoke to us about things that cannot be understood during a lifetime on earth. I didn't understand most of what he said. Perhaps I was still too young and inexperienced for such a conversation. But I still remember the friendly, soothing tone of his voice. In the presence of the Being, I had the feeling that whatever happened in my life, there would be a happy ending.

 

Shortly before he left for the next house, he asked me if I could trust him.

“I could put my hope in you,” I replied. “Well... I think so.”

He smiled.

 

“Are you sure you could trust me completely?”

“Well... I guess so... I mean, I don't know. Like this: If you could prove to me that I have a reason to trust you, then I could trust you for the rest of my life.”

 

He smiled and caressed my cheek. A strange, warm feeling ran through my whole body.

“Remember,” he replied. “Remember when you're very unhappy. And I'll prove to you that you have a reason to trust me.”