It's MINE! Attitudes in childhood or when similar behaviour lasts us into adulthood

"That's mine!" the little girl reaches out for the toy that the visiting boy has picked up.

Perhaps you know similar situations from your own children.
Especially between siblings, arguments often occur. We first encounter it when the child is already aware of himself, his "I". Suddenly he is not just part of mom, he sees himself as a separate entity.

In young children, such behaviour is considered normal at a certain age. But, what if such attitudes last us into adulthood?
Then there's a problem. Suddenly we're selfish.

We often say to our children: "That's mine. Don't touch that." It's a cell phone.
Then we wonder where they got it from.

I think we can agree that it's really childish to pull things at 20 or 30 years old. But most of the time, we don't pull things anymore, selfishness manifests itself in other ways.
Let me give you an example: we are two people in the same room at work, someone opens a window without asking. The other one throws his clothes over his shoulders, without saying that it bothers him.

We can no longer communicate normally.
We talk with actions. One feels like a victim, the other the master of his decision.

Sometimes we also talk about passive aggression.
Have you ever heard of it? Let me tell you, it's unpleasant. You don't want to be angry with the other person, so instead you smash the dishes when you wash them. He's going to perceive you're angry anyway. He just doesn't know why. What's wrong?

Why can't we talk to each other sometimes?
And how do we get out of it?

Time spent on social media certainly doesn't help, it's a different form of communication, often easier, but flattened in a way.
In order to learn to talk to others, we should first start to fully perceive them. Not to focus only on ourselves. Try to experience the world from the other's perspective. Sometimes they say, "You didn't walk in his shoes." Well, okay, we all have different personal experiences, different experiences, and different fates. But how about trying on his shoes sometimes? Just in my head.

Well, really, why not?
Maybe we can do it - understand the other person, their motives, their actions, how they feel...

Maybe the phrase, "These are mine," is actually a kind of defense. You say to yourself, "From what? From who?" We build a protective wall around ourselves from the outside world. One that we don't want to let anyone else in. Because it's MINE - my life, my husband, my children, my money, my opinion, my possessions... As if everything I talk about, everything I think about, is somehow my property.

Love is not about having someone as much as it is about mutuality, sharing, closeness... "Love gives only of itself and takes only of itself. Love does not control, nor does it want to be controlled. For love is sufficient for love." - excerpt from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.
In the sentence, "This is MINE!" we may want to define ourselves a little, to express the very "I" that seems to be neglected by others. It is good to have healthy self-esteem, but again, there is no need to overdo it. Although we usually don't have to worry about others letting us know that it's already "over the line."

So, where does the need for this expression come from? Perhaps it stems from childhood but from too much pressure to lend. Or from elsewhere?
If we feel accepted and respected, we probably won't have the phrase, "That's MINE!" in our vocabulary very often.