Agreement with the Enemy - An Introduction (1.)

I know. I'm almost 60. I also know that a thousand words are no substitute for personal experience. Nevertheless, please allow me to tell you my story and summarize here a few of my life mistakes and especially their consequences, which I would summarize in a short painful exclamation " AW!"

Let me preface this by saying that I have a positive relationship with men. And I always have. I haven't changed partners too much in my life and have generally lived an orderly life.

I don't count first marriages. Basically, it was a mistake that didn't last long. But it produced the most wonderful creature in the world, my daughter Lenka. I was twenty-one at the time. I was going out, singing in a band, and the world was beautiful.

On that fateful day, my bandmate and I went on a road trip. We didn't get there until dark. We drove through the woods, trying to find a shack with the poetic name of Ježura. If you've ever been there, you know that it was very hard to find it in the dark. After a while, we saw a fire and two figures by it.

"Hello. Can we sit down?"

"Sure."

We talked long into the night, playing guitars and singing. It was good.

I wish my mom hadn't broken both my legs so I'd never gone on that damn trip! I had just met my second husband, who turned out to be a jealous, aggressive alcoholic, psychopath, manipulator, entertainer, demagogue, a very popular narrator in society, and a hardly definable individual of a dubious category behind the apartment door. We stumbled between love and hate and laughter and tears. It lasted an incredible twenty-five years.

I'm not complaining. In hindsight, I should actually apologize to him for dragging him into my life to make it hell on earth.

"And so I hereby apologize to you. I'm sure you didn't mean to and you loved me with a great all-encompassing perverted love and enriched me with an unforgettable experience. It was a very challenging school of life, and although I have many lasting comments, I thank you."

There. I've taken the first step. That should do it for now. I apologized. Even though it took me a long time to be able to do so. Twelve years. And now I want to make a deal with you.

"With this story, I'd like to gradually erase you from my subconscious. With each chapter, a piece will disappear, and at the end, we'll both be free. If you'll allow it."